My understanding of the resolution to this topic is not simplistic by any means nor is there only one way to heal. However, I believe there are some basic elements to healing in which we can all benefit from.

I have always been a believer in moving through the issue your faced with rather than skirting around it or sweeping it under the rug. This is never a healthy way of getting on the other side. We must be honest with ourselves that we are indeed dealing with the wound (emotionally) and not just saying we are. Time does not heal all wounds. It kicks the can down the road. Until you’re ready to deal with them.

We must dive into the pain we feel, acknowledge it, identify where it’s coming from, remove ourselves from being exposed to it again (if possible) and move forward. These are the first steps.

I’m also a big proponent of discussing the topic with someone who is trained in such matters. Mind you, this should not be the only place where you reconcile your pain. Loved ones who are looking out for your best interest can shine light on the subject matter by sharing their perspective and life experiences.

There is no wrong way of healing – other than doing nothing. You will heal over time. Help yourself by gaining insight from your pain.

“The wound is the place where light enters you.”

Rumi

I’ve heard it more than once: by teachers, coaches and trained professionals – there is power in stillness. Ever since then, I have used it professionally and personally when needed. I have come to not only believe it is true, but I have acquired it as another tool in my kit in order to grow, learn and evolve.

In comedy, you are taught to deliver a line and then remain still. If you are approached by certain animals in the wild and even sometimes an aggressive dog, you are taught to stand your ground and remain still. There is power in it. Resolve. Commitment. And also it is a way to remain efficient. By not expending energy frivolously, you hold tight until you know your direction. Physically, emotionally and mentally.

The older I get, the less I run around frantically hoping to accomplish my goal. Now I get clear what I intend to attract – while remaining still – and then move forward with purpose and clarity towards my target.

Believe you – me, I have attended many one of these types of (metaphorical) parties. Sometimes I’m invited, sometimes I throw my own and sometimes I will just create one spur of the moment and not invite anyone else other than me. Sound familiar?

I consider a pity party to be a place where we focus – maybe even hyper focus on our own problems, misgivings and situation and shut the rest of the world out. There is nothing wrong with pity parties, as they may very well serve a purpose, but just make sure you know you’re at one.

Don’t be delusional and believe this bleak bash your attending is the way life is supposed to look. Or that you will transcend the obstacles and problems which you are experiencing. Essentially, you are in a holding pattern. You have placed the solution on hold in order to wallow in your sorrow. And that’s okay. But know if you want to move forward you must head for the door and leave that festivity behind you.

This is the first step in moving through your pain in order to learn, grow and evolve. It’s a brave one, but nevertheless necessary.

Incremental progress can become a real game-changer when it’s consistent and happening on a daily basis. However, this can be discouraging at times, as it would appear you are not making headway in the beginning. You may even stumble along journey, but that’s okay.

The key is to show up daily and put in the work. Worry more about engaging yourself in the task at hand and forming the habit than the results. We all learn at different speeds in a variety of ways. Putting the pressure of “outcomes” on yourself when moving forward in this way can be detrimental to your progress.

With each new passing day as you rise to the occasion, you will notice a small shift and even a bit of momentum – like a gentle hand on your back guiding you in the right direction. Use this to your benefit and stay on the path. At some point in time you may feel you have done enough – decide instead to stick with it and push through. It is worth it. If it’s a healthy habit: learning to play a musical instrument, exercise, writing, meditation, creating art, etc. you will benefit from doing it long into the future.

Just take one day at a time.

Too many times – especially in today’s busy world – I get distracted from what I’m intending to do. It can be as small as not going to bed in order to get enough restful sleep because I didn’t follow through or from losing focus on long-term goals.

Because I know who I am and how easy this can occur for me, I must always have tools and templates in place in order for me to get back on track with minimal down time. You will find lists, sticky note reminders and paragraphs of goals – both short range as well as long in my workplace for my benefit.

Don’t get me wrong, I make sure I get down time to rest, reflect and rejuvenate, but when I’m in work mode I don’t want to stray from the path of doing the tasks that are important for me to accomplish where I’m going.