It’s pretty simple: Failure is when you have quit, left this earth or didn’t even try. Actually, even if you haven’t tried there is always the chance you may at some point in the future. So, you haven’t failed. But, I’m going to call that failure.

Okay, so you didn’t get the result you wanted. That’s all it is – a result. Then do it again. And again. And again. Man, I wish I would have known that when I was younger. And remember, the past does not equal the future. So, just because you didn’t get the outcome the previous 47 times, it has absolutely no connection to the next result. That is huge! Remember that.

It sounds like motivational speaking 101, but it is a learned skill – like a lot of things in life. Learn to assess the results and if you’re not where you want to be then make an adjustment or two and try it again. That is learning. There is fortitude in that effort. There is risk. There is power. There is self-trust.

Go. Do. Assess. Repeat.

When I was around 7 or 8 years old my family went to the zoo. We are a total of 7, in addition I think we had other family with us at the time. Needless to say, we were a good size group of people. We stopped at one of the exhibits, I think it was the camel’s, but I’m not sure, and I got mesmerized by their behavior and watched them eat, drink and interact. When I turned around my entire family was gone.

We had just arrived not too long before and I remember looking down in the lower parking lot and seeing our car. I didn’t go down there as I knew it would be quite some time before everyone would be back there. I remember being pretty scared. I went and told a lady who was selling tickets in a booth. She brought me in and I sat me on a chair inside the small shack. I don’t remember how much time passed, but eventually my Mom found me. She got pretty upset with the lady as hiding me inside a ticket booth where no one could see me was probably not the smartest of ideas on her part.

I learned a few things after that day: pay attention to your surroundings, don’t panic and even though you may be temporarily lost if you keep your head, you will most likely be found.

Maybe it’s not so bad being temporarily lost. Lost in work, lost in relationships, lost in your direction in life. Because maybe you find out a little more about yourself in the process. And what is important to you. Maybe you appreciate where you are. Maybe you grow a little stronger – more independent.

If you don’t get a little lost every once in a while, how do you know what your limits are?

It took me until I was in my late 20’s to early 30’s to realize I had a choice who I wanted in my circle. For whatever reason, I used to believe because someone showed up and wanted in, I had to give them permission. I have learned otherwise. Time is your most precious resource in life, so why waste being around people you don’t want to be around.

It does get tricky, I will say that. The crazy makers can make you feel like YOU are the one who is being irrational and difficult. The energy suckers have an excuse for every reason they are in the position they’re in and they want to bring you along for the ride. When I was younger I had a hard time distinguishing who was who. It’s almost like being in a war where the enemy is wearing civilian clothing. But, once you know what to look for it gets easier. Like anything, you have to work on your craft.

It doesn’t take me long now to identify people who are not good for me. I do my very best to be as open as possible with everyone, as I know anything can be the gateway to everything, but there are tell tale signs that cannot be overlooked.

When you find those wonderful people you want to be in your circle who: pull for you, encourage you, push you, are honest with you, don’t say what you want to hear, but what you need to hear, inspire you, guide you, love you, don’t let you off the hook and want you to succeed because they know there is enough to go around for everyone – hold them close, nurture them and NEVER take them for granted. These are the people we share our innermost dreams with and they don’t laugh at them. They walk along side you so you can obtain them.

Circle’s are strong as they are one continuous loop. But remember, they are only as strong as the weakest link.

If I want to be a victim in my life you better believe I can justify that. If I think I’m right in a situation I can justify that too. You can justify “your story” as long as you want to: to family, friends even strangers upon meeting them. And you will always find people who will justify your justifications – if you’re looking for them. However, that doesn’t mean you should. Nor does it mean it’s healthy. Most definitely you’re not going in a direction where you want to end up.

If I don’t want to go for a run, I suddenly become the most creative person on earth because I can come up with dozens and dozens of reasons why I shouldn’t go for a run that day. I’m so convincing as well. When my alarm goes off in the morning and I want to sleep-in instead of getting up and meditating before going to work, I am brilliant with my reasoning. I scare myself I’m so smart. That doesn’t mean I should. That’s when it’s the most difficult for me. When I’m in those moments day after day and I must find the one single reason to get my running shoes on and walk out that door. To convince myself to pull off the warm covers and keep moving.

You are your own worst enemy, but you are also your closest friend and biggest fan. Pull for yourself. Find a reason or two or three or 12, to make the strong choice and to not justify behavior that doesn’t allow yourself to grow, learn and evolve. Choose the path less traveled. Why? I guarantee you that path always leads to a much more interesting destiny.

That is something I can most definitely justify.

What is a given? A given is something you cannot change: Your age. Your eye color. Your family. Your height. Your past. Things like that. Things that are out of your control. It’s important to know what your “givens” are and what you can actually change/control. You may think the group of friends you hang out with are givens. They’re not. You can choose to be around people that inspire you – that hold you responsible and make you better. You may think the job you have is a given. It’s not. You can quit and find something else. I would be aware of the timing. Right now may not be the best time. You also may think your health is a given. There is a lot you can do for yourself to turn that ship around and begin heading in the right direction there as well.

If you can just make that distinction between what you have control over and what you do not, that might just make enough difference for you to point you in a direction where you can attract some real good in your life.

Besides that, your being a healthy human being. Emotionally. Mentally. Look at it like your solving a problem. “What is going on here and what can I change to make it better?” First of all, what are the givens? Go through the list. Write them down if you have to. “What can I change if I wanted to?” (Not saying I’m going to, but if I had enough energy to do it).

If it’s a given, don’t focus on it. Recognize them and move one. Spend the real time on what you can do/change/build/discover/conquer/out wit/etc. and put your focus there. This is where you can make a difference.