It took me until I was in my late 20’s to early 30’s to realize I had a choice who I wanted in my circle. For whatever reason, I used to believe because someone showed up and wanted in, I had to give them permission. I have learned otherwise. Time is your most precious resource in life, so why waste being around people you don’t want to be around.

It does get tricky, I will say that. The crazy makers can make you feel like YOU are the one who is being irrational and difficult. The energy suckers have an excuse for every reason they are in the position they’re in and they want to bring you along for the ride. When I was younger I had a hard time distinguishing who was who. It’s almost like being in a war where the enemy is wearing civilian clothing. But, once you know what to look for it gets easier. Like anything, you have to work on your craft.

It doesn’t take me long now to identify people who are not good for me. I do my very best to be as open as possible with everyone, as I know anything can be the gateway to everything, but there are tell tale signs that cannot be overlooked.

When you find those wonderful people you want to be in your circle who: pull for you, encourage you, push you, are honest with you, don’t say what you want to hear, but what you need to hear, inspire you, guide you, love you, don’t let you off the hook and want you to succeed because they know there is enough to go around for everyone – hold them close, nurture them and NEVER take them for granted. These are the people we share our innermost dreams with and they don’t laugh at them. They walk along side you so you can obtain them.

Circle’s are strong as they are one continuous loop. But remember, they are only as strong as the weakest link.

If I want to be a victim in my life you better believe I can justify that. If I think I’m right in a situation I can justify that too. You can justify “your story” as long as you want to: to family, friends even strangers upon meeting them. And you will always find people who will justify your justifications – if you’re looking for them. However, that doesn’t mean you should. Nor does it mean it’s healthy. Most definitely you’re not going in a direction where you want to end up.

If I don’t want to go for a run, I suddenly become the most creative person on earth because I can come up with dozens and dozens of reasons why I shouldn’t go for a run that day. I’m so convincing as well. When my alarm goes off in the morning and I want to sleep-in instead of getting up and meditating before going to work, I am brilliant with my reasoning. I scare myself I’m so smart. That doesn’t mean I should. That’s when it’s the most difficult for me. When I’m in those moments day after day and I must find the one single reason to get my running shoes on and walk out that door. To convince myself to pull off the warm covers and keep moving.

You are your own worst enemy, but you are also your closest friend and biggest fan. Pull for yourself. Find a reason or two or three or 12, to make the strong choice and to not justify behavior that doesn’t allow yourself to grow, learn and evolve. Choose the path less traveled. Why? I guarantee you that path always leads to a much more interesting destiny.

That is something I can most definitely justify.

What is a given? A given is something you cannot change: Your age. Your eye color. Your family. Your height. Your past. Things like that. Things that are out of your control. It’s important to know what your “givens” are and what you can actually change/control. You may think the group of friends you hang out with are givens. They’re not. You can choose to be around people that inspire you – that hold you responsible and make you better. You may think the job you have is a given. It’s not. You can quit and find something else. I would be aware of the timing. Right now may not be the best time. You also may think your health is a given. There is a lot you can do for yourself to turn that ship around and begin heading in the right direction there as well.

If you can just make that distinction between what you have control over and what you do not, that might just make enough difference for you to point you in a direction where you can attract some real good in your life.

Besides that, your being a healthy human being. Emotionally. Mentally. Look at it like your solving a problem. “What is going on here and what can I change to make it better?” First of all, what are the givens? Go through the list. Write them down if you have to. “What can I change if I wanted to?” (Not saying I’m going to, but if I had enough energy to do it).

If it’s a given, don’t focus on it. Recognize them and move one. Spend the real time on what you can do/change/build/discover/conquer/out wit/etc. and put your focus there. This is where you can make a difference.

I regard negativity almost like a disease. It can spread quickly and debilatate you if you let it go untreated. The only difference is I believe you have a whole lot more control choosing to keep negativity out of your life. And it is a choice. Just like most things where people mistakenly believe “stuff just happens” to them, I believe you have much more control in your life over how your day plays out than you may think. Yes, things happen that are out of your control – I understand that – but it boils down to your perspective of where you are in the present moment.

I believe it was Wayne Dyer that said if you wake up in the morning looking to be offended in your day, you will not go disappointed. “That guy cut me off in traffic!” “Did you see the way that lady looked at me in the grocery store!?” “How can anyone wear an outfit like that out in public!” Get the idea?

Children are masters at their environment. They can let not getting dessert ruin their whole evening. . . . if they choose to let it.

Let’s flip the coin. What if you wake up in the morning jump out of bed and ask yourself “how many great things are going to happen to you today?” Would that not change your perspective on how you view your day?

I also read that you have a very basic choice when you wake up in the morning. Is your glass half full or half empty? If you think it doesn’t matter then think again. You are where you are in this moment in your life because of the choices you have made up to that point (along with things you cannot control). That can either terrify you or get you really excited.

If you chose the latter, you probably realize you’re in control of your destiny. That’s where I want to be.

After all, it’s not what happens to you in life that matters. It’s how you react to what happens to you that makes all the difference.

With all the distractions, devices, pressures and ways to be thrown off your game, it can be difficult to find the pace that works best for you. Not your neighbor’s or “successful” friend’s pace or brother-in-law’s with all the latest toys or friends’ with all their incredible travel posts – non of it. We must find OUR pace. The one that feels right for us in what we intend to do/accomplish/give/overcome/bring/share/stand up for/etc. And quite honestly, most of the time I feel like I’m waaaaaay behind. And then I stop and think: “Who are you racing against, Jim?” This is my life and I’m going to set the pace that makes sense to me (in a mentally and emotionally healthy, responsible, self-reliant, non-egocentric kind of way of course) so that I can leave this place better than when I got here. Or at least try.

For me it involves staying in my lane and not getting caught up in the short-term fixes that fill our bodies with endorphins for short term gains such as: posting, shopping, addiction behaviors, drama-filled relationships, binging, etc. But, putting in the work. The important, but not urgent work. This is where we should remain most of the day. If you’re not, re-organize.

And find your pace.